I’ve noticed more and more lately how easy it is for people to hide behind their devices. They walk around with their eyes glued to the screen, swiping and tapping.

Connecting with others is easy. Tap “Request connection” or “Follow” on pretty much any social media platform and, voilà, you’re connected. Then you can send a DM to introduce your services or go straight into a sales pitch.

At a networking event, you introduce yourself, find some common ground, and exchange contact information.

Meeting someone and developing a quick rapport can be relatively easy. Building business relationships that last is something different.

But what happens over the next few months or years?

If you don’t have any reason to reconnect, the connection tends to fade. The relationship simply never gets very far.

Wanting to Avoid Being Transactional Can Create Its Own Problem

Some people aren’t comfortable with relationship building because it feels transactional.

If you’re sensitive to that feeling, you may allow a long gap between meeting someone and following up later.

Or you might not feel compelled to contact them afterwards at all.

Part of the reason may be that you don’t want or need anything specific from them, and you worry they’ll assume you do. It might even feel as though they’ll be annoyed or bothered by your call.

That is understandable when you genuinely value relationships and care how you’re perceived.

Now flip it around. What happens when you finally do have a legitimate reason to call? Perhaps you want to introduce them to someone who could help them, or you know about an opportunity you think they might appreciate.

This is precisely the moment you might feel as though you have an agenda. Because you do.

Coming from this viewpoint can actually create a relationship that is more transactional, not less—the very thing you wanted to avoid.

Most of a Relationship Happens Between the Big Moments

What is a better way to develop a relationship?

• Invite someone to lunch or coffee without a pitch or agenda
• Show genuine interest in something they’ve told you
• Ask for an update on something they mentioned before
• Send a message because you were thinking about them

If you’re engaging with people simply because you’re looking for a business opportunity, there’s a good chance that intention will eventually show through.

Relationships deepen when two people are involved in a genuine exchange. Continuing conversations over time can develop familiarity and trust when there isn’t pressure to achieve any particular outcome.

Imagine two people you met around the same time. You kept in touch occasionally with one, but haven’t spoken to the other since you met.

A year later, you ask each of them to lunch.

The request is the same. But the relationship behind it is different.

Intentional Doesn’t Have to Mean Calculated

Entrepreneurs are busy. If you leave every relationship entirely to chance, months can pass surprisingly quickly.

There is nothing wrong with intentionally staying in touch with people who matter to you. You may even need a reminder occasionally.

But there is a difference between thinking, I value this relationship and don’t want my busyness to cause me to neglect it, and thinking, I should contact this person every few months so they remember me when I need something.

From the outside, the action looks similar. But the intention behind it is different.

Professional relationships can lead to referrals, introductions, advice, collaborations or new business.

The problem arises when the possibility of referrals, introductions or new business becomes the main reason for maintaining the relationship.

What You’re Really Building Is Social Capital

There is a recognized term for some of what develops through these relationships: social capital.

In plain language, social capital includes the networks, trust and relationships that allow people to share knowledge, offer support, and cooperate with one another.

This is where someone might introduce you to the right person, tell you about an opportunity, challenge an assumption, or share something they learned through experience.

But social capital is not a running balance of favours.

Instead, it develops through the history people build together—the conversations, reliability, interest and trust that accumulate over time. That history cannot suddenly be created merely because you now need a favour.

Not Every Contact Needs to Become a Relationship

None of this means you need to maintain a meaningful relationship with everyone who accepts your LinkedIn request or hands you a business card.

Some connections will remain one-time encounters, and some people will become acquaintances. Some relationships will naturally fade, and others may become important in ways you never anticipated.

The point is to recognize the relationships you genuinely value and not allow them to disappear simply because neither of you needed anything for a while.

The Relationship Before the Opportunity

Think about a few people you have met professionally who you genuinely like, respect or find interesting.

When was the last time you spoke when neither of you needed anything?

Has a worthwhile relationship simply drifted because both of you became busy?

If someone comes to mind, you don’t need a networking strategy around them. You could simply contact them.

Not because you need them to introduce you to someone. Not because you have an opportunity for them. Not because you are trying to stay “top of mind.”

Contact them because the relationship itself is worth continuing.

Some of the most valuable professional relationships may eventually lead to opportunities neither person could have predicted.

But by the time one of those opportunities appears, much of what makes the relationship valuable has already happened.